Being a people pleaser always results in you being a people displeaser

I have learned the hard way that avoiding pissing people off invariably leads to pissing them off even more. And the problem is that when they are upset beyond upset you can’t remind them that you tried to upset them less by pleasing them in the beginning, and that all of the unpleasantness was caused because you had their best interests at heart.

Somehow your words fall on deeply pissed off ears that can’t hear your logic. In fact, even your logic seems to offend them.

The funny thing is that you become the baddest of bad guys. Which isn’t what you intended in the beginning was it?

1119450.largeBut did you really have their ‘best interests’ at heart? Or were you just avoiding being the bad guy because you were scared that you would be liked less, disliked even? Is it maybe even a deep seated insecurity within you that has an associated need to be liked? A fear?

All of the above? You are not alone.
Only one in ten people have the self confidence to forge through life with a ‘I could care less what you think attitude’.
OK so I made up that stat, but I’m sure it’s pretty accurate. I am also sure that those ‘one in ten’ are the happiest folk on the planet.

There are of course those who genuinely think that they are putting the needs of others above their own, and are acting like some sort of sacrificial lamb on the altar of worldly goodwill and ‘self depreciating magnanimousness.’

They shall inherit the earth – or what is left of it once those of us who can’t say no to a Jehovah’s Witness have destroyed it because we’re sitting on the fence too worried to take sides.

I guess maybe we feel selfish when we put our own needs first and decide that we are going to please ourselves and not others. It is generally frowned upon after all. It’s even called Self gratification. Masochism. We have negative names for those traits.

But it sure does come cheap at the price when you consider the cost of the alternative.

rejectionIf you are pleasing others at the cost of your own happiness purely because you are avoiding the discomfort of being seen to be the bad guy…chances are you’re about to become the worst guy.

Good luck with that.

As for me, I intend to inherit an earth I have fought hard for by standing up for myself, facing my fears, and putting my needs first.
It’s the only way to please others…
– I might have stolen that line from the ‘Learning to say NO’ course I recently enrolled for.

Please note that I had to think long and hard about including the word ‘pissed’ in my blog for fear of upsetting you… See, I really do care about your feelings…

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